Are You Teasing Me?

Poking fun at people is a common sport.  Often, the person doing the poking is “just having fun”, with the presumption that the victim is having the same fun.

I confess to doing that but had generally tried to tone it down over the years.  I had already figured out that while some people might laugh, it’s more of a nervous laugh rather than a hearty laugh.  I had seen some very mean-spirited teasing of people who had done something embarrassing, and even years later, the event would be revived to embarrass and disparage the individual.  I’d hear the phrase “I just having fun with you,” but it was not for fun.

When I was with Cheryl, I saw that she just didn’t tease other people.  I don’t know how you see so clearly a behavior that’s not there.  Perhaps it’s being in situations where my own instincts would be to tease, and the absence from Cheryl was noticeable.  What I did see was virtually always her interactions with others were kind and benevolent.

At some point, early in our relationship, she did something that triggered my reflex to “poke a little fun”.  It took a couple of tries to see a reaction, and I noted that Cheryl looked more wounded than amused.  And she gently asked, “Are you teasing me?”  I realized I was.  And at that point, I did my best to retire that instinct.  Ever since, her approach is the one I want to embrace.  And now I know that every instance that could prompt teasing is also a chance to bring a ray of sunshine to someone.  It works better and feels better.